The Almost Syndrome

A letter for when you're tired of starting over.

I’ve been holding back from writing to you, not because I don’t have anything to say, but because, weirdly enough, I haven’t known how to say it.
Phew. It’s been rough.

I started writing these letters to show you the world through my eyes—to give you some hope and help you see that it gets easier.
But lately, my view has been blurry. So foggy that I couldn’t see a way out. I was clinging to a tiny bit of hope, unsure if it was enough for all of us to share.

That’s selfish. I know. I’m sorry.

But have you ever felt like you’re always almost there, but never quite?
Like you’re not doing badly, but that big dream you’re chasing still feels just out of reach?
You’re on the right road. Sometimes you even get to the door… but it never opens. And somehow, you find yourself back where you started.

Yeah?
I call it “The Almost Syndrome.”

That’s how I’ve been feeling lately, like something is missing. Like I’m always trailing off.
So, I go back to the drawing board. Again. This time with more clarity, more precision. I do it harder, better.
And yet—like the last 10 times—I’m back at the beginning.
It’s a big blow. A hard pill to swallow. A mud smear on the face.

And the worst part? It’s not even that you aren’t getting it—it’s that when you express your frustration, people say:
“You’re ungrateful.”
“Some people don’t have what you have.”

I know. I promise, I know. I am grateful. I am thankful.
But does that mean I should stop wanting more?
Should I stop dreaming bigger?
Stop trying to do better?

My honest answer? No. It shouldn’t. And it doesn’t.

They want more, too. Just like I do.

So, I’m going to keep chasing it.
Do I know if I’ll see it through? No.
But will I try to? Of course.

So maybe you feel this way, too.
Like your life is a road filled with potholes. Every time you think you’ve manoeuvred past one, you land in another ditch.

But keep going. Because eventually, you’ll get so good at navigating the rough terrain that the potholes won’t scare you anymore.
You’ll grow thick skin. You’ll keep moving.

Right now, I’m sharing this tiny hope with you while listening to Burna Boy’s Toni-Ann Singh.
I hope we can keep holding it together.
I hope time is our ally and that we can wait it out.

I’m rooting for you.
I really am.
Love you.

Wishing you hope this June.
Till next month,
Your virtual acquaintance,
Jaiye.